


One last time

by ylc



Series: Random songs inspired AUs [5]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: AU, I decided on a happy ending!, M/M, Sad, Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms, but a lot of angst before that, everyone is human, mentions of Lisa Braeden/Dean Winchester (past), mostly sabriel with side destiel, past relationship, pining (kind of)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-04-30
Updated: 2015-05-15
Packaged: 2018-03-26 12:01:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 5,372
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3850210
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ylc/pseuds/ylc
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Drunken hook ups with ex boyfriends can be quite troubling. </p>
<p>Title and ispiration come from Ariana Grande's song.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Oh god, I really, really shouldn’t be writing this. Why do I love angst so damn much?   
> I was writing “ours”, which was supposed to be a fluffy, short, one-shot. Then it turned into a long monster, with bits of angst, that keep going in a direction I didn’t want it to go, so I decided to take a break. And so I was listening to music and I actually paid attention to the lyrics of this song and it gave so many feelings!!!  
> Currently, it’s 2 chapters long. I’m seriously debating whether to end it there, or to continue it. I’ve said a couple of times that I don’t do unhappy endings. I just don’t; I’m a hopeless romantic. But based on the song’s lyrics, I seriously, seriously believe it shouldn’t have a happy ending, so… I’m torn.  
> Anyway, let me know what you think and enjoy?

When his younger brother comes rushing into the kitchen, looking more than a little distressed, Dean immediately worries. He can’t help it; his older brother’s instinct kick in right away and he’s ready to murder however caused his baby brother distress.

Sam ignores him in favor of pouring some coffee for himself. That’s unusual, because Sam, health freak that he is, usually prefers going for a run to wake up, instead of drinking coffee like every other normal person. Dean sends a questioning glance at Castiel, who’s still looking grumpy even though he has already drunk his two usual cups of coffee, but his boyfriend only shrugs. Dean worries even more.

“Sammy?” he prods, not wanting to cause his brother more distress, but desperately needing to know what’s going on.

“I- I went out last night.” Sam confesses softly and Dean frowns. He doesn’t recall Sam leaving the house, but then again… “you guys were being sickeningly sweet and I just couldn’t stand being around you anymore.”

Dean blushes and glares at Sam, but it’s obvious the younger man isn’t paying him any mind. Castiel barely bats an eyelash. “Ok. Then what?”

“I-” Sam takes another sip of the coffee, looking slightly sick now. “I ran into Gabriel.”

At this, both Dean and Castiel tense. That can’t be good. “What happened, Sam?” Castiel asks gently, knowing that if he lets Dean ‘deal’ with this, he’ll start yelling and that won’t help Sam’s mood at all.

“We talked. And drank. And one thing led to another and-” he interrupts himself, now looking mortified. “God, I’m an idiot.”

Castiel is standing next to Dean now, rubbing calming circles on his back, hoping to prevent the angry outburst from the older Winchester that is sure to follow Sam’s story. However, Dean surprises everyone when he takes a deep breath and asks, “Is he here?” in a surprisingly calm tone.

Sam cringes, but nods. Dean takes another deep breath and his two companions wait for him to lose his temper, but once again, he surprises them when he just asks, “are you distressed because you think you made a horrible mistake or are you worried about my reaction to the news?”

All in all, Dean is being surprisingly mature about the whole affair. Sam is confused and Castiel is pleasantly surprised. “I- A little of both?”

“Alright.” Dean whispers, taking long and deep breaths. “You know how I feel about- about how things ended between you two. You know I wanted to murder him for hurting you. You know I think he’s the biggest ass ever, but I- I’m not gonna flip out.” Sam relaxes visibly and Dean sighs. “I just- I’m worried about you right now.”

Sam sighs, scowling at his now empty cup. “I’m fine, I think. Just a little… angry at myself. I should know better than to listen to his sweet talk.”

“My brother was always a smooth talker” Castiel supplies, with a sad smile. “Helps him to get away with a lot of shit.”

Dean scoffs. “No kidding” he whispers, angrily. “What are you going to do? Don’t you have a girlfriend back in California?”

Sam flinches. “Not exactly. We’re not- we’ve been on a couple of dates, but we haven’t really discussed if we want something serious.” He rubs his eyes tiredly. “I’m just upset because- God, I thought I was over him, you know?”

Dean sighs sadly and holds Castiel closer to him. He’s angry, of course, but he knows his brother needs him to be supportive right now and not to start yelling, because that would make him feel guiltier. “Do you want me to kick him out of the house?”

“I will.” Castiel offers, giving Dean a quick kiss on the cheek. “You stay here with your brother.”

“Cas, that’s not ne-”

“Sam.” Castiel interrupts, deadly serious. “Gabriel is my brother and I love him, but he’s an idiot and he hurt you. And since you’re my friend and I love you too, I’ll be happy to kick his ass out of the house.”

Dean smiles at Castiel’s words and Sam can’t help to smile a little too. It’s funny how protective Castiel can get. Without another word, Castiel exits the kitchen, leaving the brothers on their own.

“I- I’m overreacting a little, aren’t I?” Sam asks after a while, looking pensive. “It doesn’t mean anything. Just a random drunk hook-up; the fact that it was with Gabriel it’s just… It doesn’t mean a thing, right?”

Dean sighs, pinching the bridge of his nose. “Listen Sammy, I know you probably don’t want to hear this and trust me, I’d be happier if you never ever got back together with that jerk, but I don’t think it was that.”

Sam makes a face. “You’re supposed to say I’m right, Dean.”

Dean laughs bitterly. “Look Sammy, you know I hate talking about feelings, but…” he sighs, staring longingly at Castiel’s usual place at the table. “You know I was engaged for a while, shortly after you left for California?”

“What?! You never mentioned-”

“You remember Lisa, right?”

Sam nods, looking slightly confused by the turn this conversation has taken. “Well, I- We were dating before you finished high school, but it wasn’t something very serious. Then, when you left… We started spending more time together and suddenly we were engaged.”

There’s a story his brother isn’t telling, but Sam guesses this isn’t the time to question. So he just nods and goes along with it. “Anyway… it was great. I mean, I really liked Lisa and she was awesome and I was very happy with her and Ben, but-” he interrupts himself, chewing on his lip nervously. “It didn’t feel right. I kept feeling something was missing and whenever I ran into Cas at the gas stop I- I still felt pulled towards him. I always knew there was something between us, but I just was too scared to pursue it and so…”

He gestures vaguely and Sam is starting to see where this conversation is going. He’s not sure he wants to continue it, but doesn’t interrupt his brother. “Actually, Lisa was the one who convinced me to stop being such a coward. And it was weird at first, I’ll give you that, but just look at us now. I- I never felt this way before and I know I won’t feel like this ever again.” He shrugs a little helplessly, “So, what I’m trying to say is… There are people that just… no matter how much you try to run away, you always keep coming back.”

Sam’s jaw has hit the floor at some point during his brother’s declaration and Dean looks terribly uncomfortable, but he carries on. “I never liked Gabriel. And I hated him after what he did to you, but I know you- I know you loved him. And I think you love him still.” Sam opens his mouth to protest and Dean silences him with a gesture of his hand. “You know it’s true, Sammy. It’s been two years and you still get all misty eyed whenever anyone mentions him and you obviously aren’t interested in having another relationship, so-”

“That doesn’t matter!” Sam yells, frustrated. “On whose side are you?! He lied to me! He hurt me and-!”

“And yet, you still love him. Look, I get it. You wish you didn’t care anymore, but there are things we just can’t fight, Sammy.”

Sam’s anger deflates after that and he collapses on a chair, looking miserable. “Okay, let’s say you’re right. It doesn’t matter. What this meant to me… it didn’t mean the same to him. I just- I need to move on.”

Dean sighs sadly. “I can’t argue with that.”

“God, how could I be that stupid?” Sam asks despairingly. Dean pats his back awkwardly, knowing there’s nothing he can say to make things better.

They just stay like that for a while, until they hear the front door being slammed shut. Sam flinches and buries his head in his arms, trying to hide his tears from his brother.

It makes Dean reconsider the whole not murdering Gabriel thing.

  



	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As promised, here’s chapter 2! I did keep the whole reason for the break up pretty vague, let me know what you think? Oh, and I’m not sure if the first paragraph being in past tense and then switching to present it’s weird? I just feel it works better that way?

When Gabriel walked into the bar the night before, he hadn’t been expecting to run into Sam. The boy is supposed to be in California; they aren’t supposed to ever meet again (except, maybe on Dean and Castiel’s wedding). He hadn’t been sure if going and saying hello would be a good idea, but he did it before he could think too long about it.

The thing is that, even though it’s been 2 years since they broke up, Gabriel hasn’t really moved on. But he’s been decent enough not to chase after the younger male. He made some stupid decisions and he knows he hurt Sam deeply; he doesn’t deserve forgiveness and he certainly doesn’t deserve to even talk to him, but…

They end up chatting amicably and that’s far more than what Gabriel ever thought they could have. But as they keep on drinking, things start to take a different turn. When Sam starts leaning a little too close, Gabriel knows he should excuse himself and leave before he makes a big mistake, but he’s too weak and nobody who knows him would accuse him of being selfless.

They make out outside the bar and at some point they end on the back of Gabriel’s car. Although they find release in just grinding against each other and kissing, it’s not nearly enough, so when Sam’s invites him over, he doesn’t say no.

He knows Dean is going to kill him when he finds out, if Castiel doesn’t beat him to it. He has no delusions of his brother taking his side; not only would that put his own relationship in jeopardy, Castiel always stands by the right thing, regardless of everything else. That’s part of the reason why Gabriel likes his youngest brother better than the rest of the family.

Still, for getting to kiss and caress every inch of Sam’s body once again, any horrendous death is worth it.

* * *

 

He wakes up to someone pulling the covers off him. Gabriel grunts and tries to take them back, but however awoke him, is holding them well away from him.

“Gabriel.” Castiel’s serious tone chases away what’s left of his sleepiness and he sits up, looking around him and not recognizing his surroundings at first. When the memories of the night before finally come flowing back, he gulps audibly.

“Morning, baby bro.” He greets cheerfully, even if he feels anything but cheerful. Castiel just looks at him unimpressed. “How are you?”

Castiel rolls his eyes. “Gabriel, why must you be such an idiot?”

The older flinches, but doesn’t protest. He’s right, of course, and there’s nothing he can say in his defense.

For a long while, they just stare at each other in silence. Finally, Castiel speaks, “I volunteered to kick you out of the house.” Once more, Gabriel flinches, but not at the hidden threat of Castiel’s words, but at the knowledge that Sam obviously regrets what happened last night. It’s not like he was expecting anything different, but it still hurts.

“I’ll be on my way” he whispers dejectedly, standing up and starting to collect his clothes. “I’m sorry if I caused you any trouble.”

Castiel doesn’t answer, just continues staring. His stare is a little unnerving, to be honest and Gabriel suddenly feels like he’s the younger brother. The much more younger brother.

“What were you thinking, Gabriel?” Castiel questions him, when he has finished getting dressed. The older brother sighs, shaking his head.

“I wasn’t- It’s just- I’ve missed him, Cassie.”

Castiel scowls at the nickname, but doesn’t comment on it. “Sam left to California, but it was your fault you two broke up.” He tells him, now glaring. “You hurt him.”

“I know. And I know I don’t deserve forgiveness, so…”

“So why would you do this?” Castiel asks, frustratedly. “You’ve only open old wounds.”

“I- What? How exactly would I do that?”

Castiel rubs his temples tiredly. “It’s really not my place to- Look, just go before Dean decides to stop being mature about it and tries to kill you.”

“No, what do you mean Castiel? I understand Sam would be angry and upset about sleeping with me, but-” he shrugs, feeling tired and saddened. “It was just a drunk hook up. It could have been with anyone else.”

“It wasn’t. It wouldn’t. God dammit Gabriel, was that all it was for you?”

Gabriel bites his lip, refusing to answer. Castiel shakes his head. “Just go.”

The older brother nods, not wanting to argue anymore. He walks down the stairs and stops just outside the kitchen, where he can hear Sam and Dean talking. When he hears Sam questioning how he could be so stupid, his heart breaks, but he swallows his tears and heads towards the door.

He knew last night things weren’t going to end well and he still went along with it.

He’s got no one to blame but himself.

* * *

 

Arriving to an empty house is incredibly depressing. Especially such a big house, built up for a huge family. But Michael, Luke and Anna are long gone and Castiel moved out a couple of months ago, so now it’s just Gabriel.

His older siblings didn’t want the house because they had big dreams in faraway cities and no wish for a family. Castiel didn’t want the house because Dean had his parent’s and even if it is far smaller, Dean has some deep attachment to it.  Besides, it’s not like they’re thinking of expanding the family at all.

Gabriel could have sold the house and buy a smaller place just for himself. It would be far easier to clean, at least. Still, he kept it. He kept it because, once upon a time, he thought he would have a big family to share it with.

Sam had wanted to get married and adopt children. Gabriel, despite his distracious experience with his own parents and siblings, had wanted that to. He had thought they could be a family; he thought he could be enough-

Everyone has left him. But then again, with Sam, he was the one who pushed him away. Although not really, because hadn’t Sam decided he wanted to leave, that he wanted to go to California? Hadn’t he decided he had bigger dreams than a family life in their small town? Just like Michael and Luke and Anna, he had packed his things and-

What he did was wrong; he knows that much. But it’s not totally unjustifiable.

Castiel says he should have talked to Sam. And maybe he’s right, but it doesn’t matter anymore, because now Sam doesn’t want to talk to him. They might have fucked last night, but that’s it. That’s all he’ll ever get now.

Alone with his thoughts and his regrets, in his big empty house that was never meant to be that way, Gabriel sits on the floor and breaks down crying.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It did end up being shorter than chapter 1, but I really like where it ends, even if I made myself sad with that last part… I’m still considering that happy ending, though.  
> Let me know what you thought? Thanks for reading!


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I can’t. I really can’t. Unhappy endings make me sad. Although to be fair, this wasn’t as much unhappy as it was unresolved. I think. Umm…  
> Anyway, enjoy?

The house is unnaturally quiet. It’s not that odd, Dean thinks, because it’s eight o’clock in the morning and it’s just unnatural to be up so early on a Sunday. He wouldn’t be up if he hadn’t woken up to a cold bed, with no traces of Castiel’s warmth at all.

He was terribly tired last night. He hates taking a shift on Saturdays, but sometimes it can’t be avoided. The money is good and it’s not like they don’t need it. Especially if…

Well, that’s a consideration for later.

But back to the problem at hand, he doesn’t remember seeing Castiel last night. He had walked right into the bedroom and collapsed on the bed, not even answering his brother’s question on whether he would like to have dinner or not. Of course, if Castiel had been missing since last night, Sam would have mentioned it, right? Unless…

Unless Sam hadn’t noticed either. And considering the younger male has been a little lost inside his head since the _incident_ with Gabriel, maybe he didn’t notice. It’s not like he and Cas spend much time together, anyway.

He frowns and walks back into their room, to check his phone. He’s got no missed calls or even a text. He bites his lip and fights his rising panic. Surely Castiel is fine. Maybe he just went to the grocery store or something. Of course, Cas isn’t a ‘morning person’ but maybe…

He hears the front door opening and he hurries downstairs. He lets out a relieved sigh when he catches sight of his boyfriend, but quickly becomes worried again when he notices the rumpled clothes, the messy hair and the dark circles under his eyes.

“Cas?”

His boyfriend looks up, obviously startled. “What are you doing up?” Castiel asks, sounding guilty enough to make something unpleasant start stirring in Dean’s gut.

Dean forces himself to take a deep breath and not snap angrily at Castiel. He was worried and now he’s troubled, but he’ll gain nothing if he loses his temper. “I woke up and you weren’t there.” He replies, as calmly as he can. “You weren’t here last night either, were you?”

Castiel sighs, running a hand through his messy hair. “I- I got a call last night. From Balthazar.”

Dean clenches his jaw and forces himself to stay calm. He doesn’t like Castiel talking to his ex-boyfriend, but he has no right to control who he’s friends with. Still, if he spent the night with Balthazar…

He tastes blood and realizes he’s biting the inside of his mouth to keep himself from yelling. Castiel comes to stand in front of him right away, cupping his face gently and Dean feels himself relax minisculely. “Oh, Dean, no. I- I should have started this differently.” He kisses him softly and Dean relaxes further. “He called because I asked him to keep an eye on Gabriel. After what happened with Sam…”

It makes sense, of course. Castiel is worried about his brother (even if he’s probably angry at him still) and since Balthazar lives on the same street… Yes, it makes sense, but Dean’s jealousy is not so easily placated. Still, there are more pressing matters at hand. “What happened?”

Castiel sighs once again, suddenly looking awfully tired. He leans against Dean and whispers “well, apparently, he hasn’t left the house in the last week.” The blue eyed male takes a deep breath and carries on, “I thought maybe Balthazar was exaggerating, but I decided to go and check. Just in case, you know?”

Dean nods and hugs his boyfriend close. He has the slight suspicion he doesn’t want to continue this conversation, but he has no choice. He’s Castiel’s boyfriend and he’ll be supportive, even if it means he might start feeling pity for the man who broke his baby brother’s heart.

“As it turned out, he really hadn’t left the house. He was all out of food and candy, but he still stayed home. Found some of our father’s old whisky bottles and…” he gestures vaguely, another soft sigh leaving his lips. “After what happened to father…”

So, it’s bad. Still, Dean is not sure if he really pities the older male or not. After all, he does remember Sam ‘finding’ the bottles in their father’s old cabinet after he broke up with Gabriel. He chooses not to say anything, because he’s not sure what he’s supposed to.

“I’m sorry Dean. I know you don’t want to hear this-”

“Hey, he’s your brother. I get it.” Dean says as reassuringly as he can. He really hates Gabriel’s guts, but he does understand.

“He deserves it. He knows it and I know it, but still-”

“Is everything alright?” Sam has appeared from behind Dean, staring at them confusedly. Castiel pulls away and smiles, even if it looks a little forced.

“Of course Sam. Everything is fine.”

Sam looks unconvinced, so Dean decides it might be better if he handles the conversation. “Why don't you get some sleep Cas? You look tired.”

Castiel stares at both brothers and finally nods, heading towards the bedroom and leaving them on their own. Dean runs a hand through his hair, wondering what he should tell Sam or if maybe he ought to say nothing.

“Dean, is everything alright?” Sam questions again and Dean makes a decision. It’s probably for the best, but he doesn’t really like it.

“He’s worried about his brother.”

“Oh” Sam bites his lip, obviously holding back a string of questions. Dean waits for them, knowing they’ll come sooner or later. “What happened?”

Dean sighs. He really really wishes he didn’t have to have this conversation. “Apparently, he has been drinking. A lot.”

Dean sees the exact moment his brother closes off. “I see.” Sam says evenly, like he’s not even slightly concerned. But Dean knows him well and as much as he wishes it wasn’t that way, he knows his brother still cares.

“Sam…”

“You know, the real problem isn’t what he did.” His brother interrupts him, anger dripping from every word. “It’s that he never- he never said anything. He didn’t even try to apologise, he didn’t-” he looks up, obviously holding back tears and Dean’s heart breaks a little for him. “I kept hoping- But nothing ever happened. He didn’t care.”

“I don’t think-”

“And the worst part is that I always knew I would forgive him if he only asked. But he never did.”

There’s really nothing Dean can say at that, so he just pats his brother’s shoulder. He wishes he had the right words to make everything better, but this is beyond him. Sam is right, of course.

This is just such a big mess, but really, Gabriel is the only one who could solve it.

And he’s pretty sure he won’t try.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So… there’s just one more chapter after this. When I came up with the idea of how I wanted it to end, I had this great mental image of this really profound conversation… and then my boss went mad and I ended up having a lot of work, so I didn’t have time to write and then I went on vacations and when I came back… I had forgotten most of it.  
> So you’ll have to forgive me for next chapter being so incredibly corny and everything being solved a little too easily… I know that’s not how it works in real life (or at least, it shouldn’t. Can’t be healthy… right?) but for the fic, it worked.  
> Besides, I really don’t have the time or the drive to work on a longer fic, so for now, it’ll have to do.  
> Thanks for reading!


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, as I said, this last chapter was a bit… disappointing? I swear it sounded much better in my head, but that happens a lot… I’m not really good at putting my ideas into paper (the fact that english isn’t my native language complicates things a little more too)  
> Anyway, hopefully it’s still enjoyable?

It’s some point close to noon when Gabriel wakes up. Castiel left really early in the morning, probably hoping to arrive before Dean noticed his absence. Gabriel hopes he made in time; he would hate to be the cause of a fight between his baby brother and his boyfriend.

He knows he’s behaving unhealthily and that he ought to stop. He eyes the cold breakfast that Castiel made before leaving and considers eating. His stomach growls, so he knows he should eat, but he can’t bring himself to.

He’s tired and upset; he just wants to sleep and never wake up.

The moment he spotted Sam at the bar, he should have run in the opposite direction. But he was selfish and he wanted- he wanted-

What did he want? What did he think he could accomplish, besides a hook up?

He wanted it to mean so much more. He wanted to believe that maybe Sam could forgive him, that things could go back to what they were. But he knows it was just wishful thinking. Sam probably has already moved on; there’s probably someone waiting for him back in California.

The thought hurts worse than if someone stabbed him in the chest. He hopes he hasn’t caused Sam any trouble; although a small, petty part of him hopes for the contrary. He’s a terrible person, he knows it, but he can’t bring himself to care much.

That’s why Sam was always too good for him.

Their relationship was doomed from the very beginning; he was a fool for hoping otherwise. Still, even if he knows Sam deserves so much better, he can’t help wishing he still wanted him. If he could- if they could-

What? He has nothing to offer him. He loves him so so much, but that wasn’t enough before and it certainly isn’t enough now. He should move on and he had thought he had, to an extent, but now…

Now everything has changed.

He groans, feeling frustrated with himself. He has always behaved stupidly and irrationally (his older brothers used to complain about that a lot), but this certainly has been the most stupid mistake of his life.

No. The second most stupid. The first one was breaking up with Sam in the first place.

There’s a knock on the door and that startles him out of his pity party. Frowning, Gabriel goes to open the door, curious of who would be visiting. Castiel has a key, so it can’t be him. So, who-?

Sam is standing outside the door. He looks a mixture of worried, frustrated and anxious and Gabriel can’t help the small smile that creeps into his lips. He’s happy Sam is here, regardless of the circumstances.

Sam opens his mouth to say something and closes it right away. Gabriel waits patiently, happily drinking in the sight of his ex boyfriend, even if the circumstances are far for happy.

Sam is nibbling his lip, probably thinking of the right words to say. Gabriel wouldn’t probably notice his words, seeing he’s busy remembering just how nice biting Sam’s lips is and wondering what would happen if he tried to-

His thoughts are interrupted by a punch. He groans in pain and Sam looks horrified for a second,  before his expression closes off again and he glares. Gabriel just stares at him, the pain numbing everything else, even his shock.

“You’re bleeding.” Sam informs him and that’s when Gabriel notices that yes, his nose is bleeding. It’s probably broken and he’s certain he should care a little bit more about it, but right now, he can’t quite concentrate on that.

“Would that be all?” He asks, keeping his tone pleasant. His nose hurts a lot, but he won’t pay attention to that until Sam leaves. Whatever Sam needs, whatever he wants to say or do, he’ll wait for it. He owns him that much.

With a groan, Sam pushes past him. Gabriel follows him dumbly and waits as the taller male goes looking for ice to put on his bruised nose. For a while, none of them speak. They stay in silence, surveying each other, Sam pressing a bag of ice against Gabriel’s nose, looking more concerned with each passing minute.

“I didn’t mean to break it.” He whispers softly, inspecting the damage.

“I don’t think it’s broken.” Gabriel whispers back. His nose does hurt an awful lot, but by now he’s pretty certain that it’s just bruised. “You punch harder than your brother.”

Sam chuckles at that. “Don’t let him hear you say that. He’ll try to prove you otherwise.”

Gabriel doesn’t fancy a broken nose, but he guesses he deserves it. Last time Dean hit him he did end up needing to go to the doctor. Still, it was less than what he deserved.

“I’m sorry.” Sam says, leading him towards the living room, so that Gabriel can sit on the couch and rest his head back for a while.

“You’ve got nothing to be sorry of.”

Sam sighs and he sounds so tired and sad, that Gabriel heart clenches painfully. He caused that and he wishes there was some way he could undo it, but- “I’m the one who should be sorry.”

Sam’s stare is full of suspicion and though it hurts, Gabriel understands why he would doubt his sincerity. He sighs. “I’m serious, Sam. I’m sorry. I should- I don’t know what was I thinking that night.”

“You mean the other night or the night you broke up with me?”

Gabriel sighs, trying to make eye contact, but unable to because his eyes keep watering. He’s not sure if it’s because of the pain of his swollen nose or if it’s for something else entirely. “Both, I suppose.”

Sam shrugs, pretending he doesn’t care. “It doesn’t matter.”

“But it does. I hurt you and I- God, Sam, I still love you so much-”

Sam is up the second the words leave his lips. He stands tall in front of Gabriel, towering over him, looking angry and yet, desperate. “No. You- you don’t get to tell me you still love me, not when- when-” his voice breaks and he looks up, fighting back tears.

A part of Gabriel is saddened and angry at himself for causing Sam grief, but another part if thrilled, because that means- that means- “I’m sorry Sam. But I still do.”

“No, you don’t!” Sam exclaims, sounding breathless, knowing he’s fighting a losing war. He always knew he would forgive Gabriel if he only asked, but- “You never did.”

“Sam, that’s not-”

“You never- You didn’t even try to make things right! You just- you just-” he screams, frustrated by his own inability to explain himself. “I spent the last two years trying so desperately to forget about you and- you can’t- you just- dammit!”

Sam storms out of the room, but Gabriel follows right away. He manages to catch him by the door, impeding his escape. “Sam, listen to me-”

“No, you- You’ve got no right.” There are tears in his eyes, but he stubbornly refuses to shred them. “I loved you Gabe. I wanted- I wanted a life with you. And you just tossed it away, like it meant nothing! You broke up with me and then I found out-” he brushes of the single tear that has managed to escape and turns to leave, regretting having come in the first place.

“You were leaving!” Gabriel screams and that makes Sam pause before he leaves the garden. He’s standing in the middle of the garden and all the neighbors can see and hear their argument, but he can’t bring himself to care. “You were leaving me!”

“What?” Sam screams back, turning around, now feeling both confused and angry. “What are you talking about?”

“You were leaving.” Gabriel repeats, softly, staring at his feet. “You were going to go and never come back. I understand, I really do, you’re too much for this small town and-”

“I was just going to college!” Sam exclaims, now feeling even more enraged. “We talked about it!”

“You weren’t going to come back, Samuel.” Gabriel says, his voice a broken whisper. “We both knew it. You would find a job in California, met new people, find someone else. I-”

“No! I told you, Gabe, I wanted you. We were going to get married!”

Gabriel shakes his head. “It would have never worked.”

“So you just decided to break my heart? You unilaterally decided to end our relationship because YOU thought it wouldn’t work?” There’s a part of him that’s terribly frustrated by the turn of events, because he always thought it had been something else what broke them up, but-

“I-”

“Why didn’t you tell me? We could have talked about it! We would have figured something up!”

“I didn’t want you to give up your dreams.” Gabriel confesses, shrugging helplessly. “And I knew I was selfish enough to ask that of you. So I- I figured-” he takes a deep breath and makes eye contact, to make sure his next words sink in “I thought I would make it easier on us. Better then than later.”

“That’s- that’s the single most stupid, selfish, shortsighted-” Sam interrupts himself as he comes to stand in front of Gabriel. “You’re an idiot.”

“I know. And I understand if you hate me-”

He gets interrupted by Sam’s lips on his. Gabriel tries to protest, mostly because he’s confused, but it feels too nice. “You’re the biggest idiot in the whole world. And I’m angry, make no mistake, but I’m also tired of- of everything. So right now, we’re not going to talk about this.”

Gabriel nods dumbly, because seriously, what can one say to that?

So he lets himself be guided back into the house and lays down on the couch, while Sam fusses over him like a mother hen. There are certainly a lot of explaining to do and it’ll be awhile before their relationship is completely mended, but this is a step in the right direction.

Who would have thought, Castiel was right! They should have talked about this ages ago.

But the past is the past and it matters no longer. What it’s important is what lies in front.

As complicated and messy as it’s going to be, Gabriel wouldn’t change it for the world.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, thoughts anyone? I feel the ending is too… simple? Something like that. But I hoped you liked it, let me know what you thought!  
> Anyway, I’m working on another one-shot, based on Demi Lovato’s song, “something that we’re not”, but that’s mainly Destiel, so…  
> Suggestions are always welcome, thanks for reading!

**Author's Note:**

> So, thoughts anybody? I don’t think I’ll be posting the next chapter until next week, mostly because it’s currently a little too short and I would like to expand on Gabriel’s feelings, but I’m not sure how…  
> You noticed I managed not to address what happened between them? That’s because I don’t know myself! So I think that in order to make chapter 2 longer, I would need to figure that out… but maybe I’ll just keep it vague.   
> Thanks for reading!


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